On Stories Through Images

I've got to admit that I'm a bit jealous of all my friends who are constantly posting cute newborn pictures on their blogs and facebook pages. I know we'll be there one day soon, but I couldn't help but post a few of my favorite photos from the last month.

My adventures into photography have been illuminating. I've been surprised by just how much I'm enjoying it and how much fun I have in the process. When I'm taking pictures, the hours just fly by...

I know there will be times when photography is a burden. I'm not even sure if it's going to be a sustainable part-time career right now. But it's so freeing to have an activity that is fulfilling to me and creating something for other people that they will cherish for years to come.

Pictures can be so powerful. They make you pause and really look at somebody. They illustrate your story and mark moments in your life.

Here are a few of the highlights from June:

I've discovered that I really enjoy taking

pictures of animals.

And these little guys are some of my

favorite models.

Some long-ago friends who are now current

friends- who graciously let me use them and their

animals for my website!

... and their cat.

Jerod's parents

I'm not a big chihuahua fan. But this

little guy can be cute if you can get him

to hold still.

If you're in Texas and want a photographer, check out my site:

www.SaraPattersonOnline.com

Like a Moth to a Flame

I read about it while waiting for a haircut. Cameron Diaz in the “role of a lifetime.” Yes, she would be portraying something far more scary than the “take me to hell” lead, she was going to be “cancer mom.” I was instantly drawn in. I came home and watched the trailer, read about the movie and the book it’s portrayed on, and waited anxiously for it to arrive in the theaters. My husband says I am a glutton for punishment. I just think I’m a moth attracted to the cancer flame. So today, he indulged me and my sadistic tendencies- we went to see “My Sister’s Keeper.”

I don’t know the whole history behind the story, but whether or not it’s based on a true story, I must applaud the writers and directors. Not only did the movie portray the realities of cancer, but it also explored the psychosocial issues of adolescents with the disease, the effects it has on other family members and the way it changes your life forever. Someone finally stepped inside a hospital and asked a few questions- something few cancer movies attempt to do.

At the same time, the movie did skate along the edges of the medical procedures and the daily ins and outs of life as a cancer patient. While going much deeper may have been too much for the audience to handle, my fear with movies that don’t go deep enough into the realities of cancer is that someone will just assume that that’s how the story always goes- chemotherapy, relapse, death, etc. Though it happens more often than not, especially with adolescents and young adults, the story line is not always the case. I’m living proof of that.

Whether or not anyone leaves the theater with that impression is beside the point. In the end, the movie went beyond the cancer movies that have gone before it- bringing the uncomfortable, awkward realities to the big, mainstream screen. They name specific cancers, like AML and AMPL instead of just saying leukemia. They exposed the silly antics that people push- just pray harder, use positive thoughts, practice meditation- and showed the characters graciously helping those who pushed them feel understood and cope. They showed the whole story, instead of just the part that was easiest to ingest.

So bravo to the creators of “My Sisters Keeper.” Thanks for shaving your eyebrows to the actors. Props for showing throw up, uncontrolled bowel movements and central lines. For those of you who want a sampling of the cancer world, check it out- just bring a box of Kleenexes when you go.

Have you hugged your favorite cancer survivor today?

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

I took a break from blogging for a while, but I think you’ll see that it was well worth my efforts. In a nutshell, when you find yourself in a rut and don’t know what to do, try something else. While it sounds simple enough, it took some real effort to reach outside of my ambitions to fill in the “gap” between now and then. My efforts lead me to the hope of a new career in photography.

 

I am in no means a perfect photographer. I am learning. But the theme that keeps tying my careers and ambitions together took a new form when I picked up a camera last year. I am consistently and passionately moved by people’s stories. Telling your story is a way to learn about yourself, to share in understanding and to move others through your life experiences. Pictures have a profound way of sharing a story. I seem to have a knack for capturing those stories on camera.

 

My goal with photography is to capture stories in a meaningful and affordable way, while positioning my family for the next step. This next year, Jerod and I will be starting down the path of adoption with hopes to have our first child by the end of 2010.  Photography and the communications will hopefully provide us with the side career needed to make that happen, while keeping me in one, shingle-free piece in the meantime.

 

So, if you’ve bookmarked my blog or have it on your google reader, take a little jaunt over to www.SaraPattersonOnline.com and see what’s new. I’ll be adding more images over time… and I think you’ll be excited to see where we’re going.

Last Night I Had a Dream...

Last night I had a dream. If any of you have seen Rent, you know the dream included a good bit of mooing. After eleven years and a cancer diagnosis, I finally got to see Rent. My family and I were packed and ready to leave for a spring break trip to Chicago on March 30, 1998. I couldn’t wait to see the show and tour the city with our new German exchange student. We took a quick detour back to the doctor because my mysterious symptoms were getting worse. My parents thought it best to get some more antibiotics before we headed out of town for a week. Only they wouldn’t give me antibiotics this time. They needed to run some more tests. They found them when they checked for mono- unmistakable irregularities - something was very wrong with my blood. That day, I was diagnosed with cancer.

The first time I really heard the musical was at a high school choir show in 1997. My best friend and I were a little bummed that we had made the top concert choir, instead of the top show choir for the next year (yes, I was a choir kid, but choir was “cool” in Indiana. What else are you going to do?). During the “Spring show” each choir picked a musical to perform. Varsity (the concert choir) performed Rent- and we were stunned. I bought the CD, the sheet music and learned the story inside and out. Though, I don’t think I really started to understand the story until the next Spring.

Even though the premise and storyline of Rent is a far cry from my Indiana upbringings (despite my adolescent desire to be poor, cold and hungry in New York City), I was able to relate to the show’s characters in a new way after my diagnosis- a way that only those who have battled life-threatening circumstances can begin to understand.

The juxtaposition of two characters who have AIDS cuts to the core of someone trying to live in the face of death. On the one hand, Roger, who hasn’t left the house in a year, lives in fear, paralyzed from living what life he has left and deeply aware of his current condition. On the other, Angel grabs the zest of life and dives into every opportunity.

Often times, I think people look at the show and think the lesson is to live like Angel. No regrets- just dive into life and enjoy. But no regrets means no reflection, no lessons learned, no truly deep or meaningful relationships. Instead, I think the lesson is to be a bit like both of them- facing the reality of life, but not letting it hold you back from living.

Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?
One song, glory. One last refrain.
No day but today.

Maybe it’s too much for me to squeeze life lessons out of a musical. But it meant a lot to me: the fact that I finally saw it and the sense of understanding I experienced. Cancer doesn’t end with the treatment. The memories, the physical scars and side effects, and emotions stick with you forever. In some ways, it’s a gift to be so aware of your mortality. In others, it’s haunting. Whether you’re battling AIDS, cancer or nothing at all, the fact is that none of us know how much time we have left. It’s how we choose to live in the time we have now that is truly meaningful.

Monday Fever

It happens every week. Sunday comes (and sometimes Saturday night) and a feeling of dread and impending doom set in. Monday is coming. Although I enjoy my job and the week is never nearly as bad as I anticipate it to be, the obligations and tasks looming before me send me into a gloomy spiral. I get a bad case of the “Mondays” before Monday ever arrives.

The last few Sundays I’ve been trying to block these new habits from taking further root. Instead of jumping from task to task in some dizzying attempt to “get it all done” before the next workweek, I’ve been trying to relax, doing only what must be done, and letting the rest take care of itself.

A few years back, I participated in a fellowship program in D.C. where I read an article on “Keeping the Sabbath Wholly” by Marva Dawn. For almost a year, I followed suit. I did nothing in the Sabbath except share in worship, visit with friends and rest. I was skeptical at first and, perhaps I should have been more skeptical. After all, the year I chose to delve in was the last year of my masters program.

Now that I’m thoroughly entrenched in my old ways again, I’m starting to long for the cool calmness that came with taking a Sabbath day. On further reflection, the year I took them was the most calm, non-stressful year of my life. Although I was writing a thesis and planning a wedding, I don’t think I got shingles one time that year (a magnificent feat).

So maybe this should be my new challenge: To get back into the habit of a holy day, a day set apart for friends, family and God. I think it would do everyone a lot of good if we took a day out to rest, reflect, and kick those “Mondays” to the curb.

News of My Left Flank

I am pleased to announce that my left flank is free and clear of abnormalities!  Just a few more days of stitches and the healing process can begin. Thanks for everyone's support, especially my right flank :)

All Stitched Up

The “surgery” is done and I’m resting up. According to the pathology report, I had a “complete excision” of a “compound dysplastic nevus with moderate cytologic atypia, extending to peripheral margin” on my “left flank.” Let’s face it folks, there are easier ways to trim down your love handles.

Once I read the actual pathology report, I felt much calmer. On the phone, I was told that the skin was “severely atypical” and that it was clearly on its way to cancer town. But my doctor assured me that they do not know which direction the cells were heading, which is why it was so important to remove them, especially given my history.

Now, the waiting game begins. In a few days, I will hear if the margins are clear. If not, I will have to have more of my “left flank” removed. In the meantime, I get to concentrate on mending my new knife wound. I had Jerod take a picture so I could examine it, but I’ll refrain from posting that on the web. When asked to describe how it looked, he simply said “it looks like somebody slit you with a knife”-- just the effect I was going for.

In case you haven’t experienced life without your “left flank,” let me fill you in. First, I was informed by the doctor that I am not to lift anything over 20 pounds, twist, or bend at the waist for two weeks. I told her I’d give it a good college try. You’d be surprised how dependant you are in your left flank. The simple process of putting socks on without bending at the waist is a challenge, let alone crawling into bed or shaving your legs. My right flank is feeling the pain too. My right abs are getting a workout just walking up and down the stairs. Only after the procedure did I realize that our master bath’s toilet paper holder is ill positioned for the non-twisting body. Even a good belly laugh was out for the first couple of days (after a short spell, I ended up in tears).

In any case, I’m healing now (It’s starting to itch- which is good). Today is going much better than yesterday and the pain is subsiding. Jerod is being an angel by changing my bandage and helping me reach and lift things. He even splurged on some special gluten free cookies and made me a big plate of asparagus for dinner last night.

So, I bid you farewell, left flank. May you regain your strength and twisting abilities in due time, so that I might never take you for granted again.